A MARTÍNEZ, HOST:
If you grew up watching Disney movies and romantic comedies, you may have asked yourself, how can I find my true love? Shani Chiang went all around Houston searching for an answer. She's a senior at Rice University. And she interviewed romance experts for the NPR College Podcast Challenge.
SHANI CHIANG: Ever since I was a kid, I was the hopeless romantic, dreaming of the day Prince Charming comes and sweeps me off my feet. But 21 years later, here I am still single - still waiting. Sometimes I start to wonder, does he actually exist? Why is it so hard to find love?
My friend's dad, Caesar Hao, is a financial advisor, author and lecturer who also teaches an online class on the art of communication and finding happiness. How did he approach pursuing love?
CAESAR HAO: Chinese old saying say that (speaking Chinese) - when the flower blooms, the butterfly comes itself. You don't need to pursue the girls. You have to attract the girls. You should make yourself good enough - just show up in front of her - and let the girls see you good.
CHIANG: How do I attract love? Rice University psychologist professor Kirsten Westmoreland tells me empirical research has shown that certain personality traits lead to higher success rates at finding love, including extraversion, agreeableness and conscientiousness.
KIRSTEN WESTMORELAND: Extroverts, for example, have a lot more romantic relationships because they are putting themselves in a lot more situations in which they could meet other people and form those kinds of bonds.
CHIANG: Doctor Westmoreland says we shouldn't change our personalities to be someone we're not, but we can build positive traits and possibly increase our chances at finding love. So what's a small first step we can take?
WESTMORELAND: If you make your bed or you clean your room or you build some sort of routine, you'll start doing more of this thinking and planning. When it comes to a relationship, somebody who has these high levels of conscientiousness is also more likely to be able to schedule around that person and then manage how that person fits into their life.
CHIANG: So my next step to finding love is to make my bed?
WESTMORELAND: Sure. If you want to think about it that way, yeah.
(SOUNDBITE OF BEDSHEETS RUSTLING)
CHIANG: OK. So I got making my bed down. Now what do I do?
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL CHIMING)
CHIANG: Buddha.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL CHIMING)
CHIANG: A few days ago, I visited Chung Tai Zen temple in Houston to learn from Buddhism about finding love.
JIAN TAN: My name is Jian Tan. You can call me Jian Tan Shifu.
CHIANG: Shifu, or master, is the current abbot of Chung Tai Zen temple. Shifu explained to me that Buddhists don't search for romantic love. Instead, they search for true love. You might ask, what's the difference? Shifu says that on one hand, romantic love is often based on personal needs and expectations. People focus on receiving love and care from their partner. On the other hand, Buddhists define true love as a selfless love. You love without expecting anything in return. So how do I find true love?
TAN: You offer your true love, then you'll find true love. You have to love others first.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
CHIANG: So how do you find love? Even now, I'm still not quite sure I've found the answer. But maybe finding love isn't about waiting. It's about doing. It's making my bed in the morning, becoming a better version of myself and loving others 90%, not just 10%. Maybe, instead of asking, how do I find my love? - I should ask myself, how do I become the love I want to find? And then maybe - just maybe...
MARTÍNEZ: That's Shani Chiang's entry in NPR's College Podcast Challenge and part of our MORNING EDITION Summer of Love series. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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